Many of the doubts women carry were not actually born inside of us. They were placed there. Sometimes subtly. Sometimes loudly. Sometimes over years of messages that slowly shape the way we see ourselves.
Although things are getting better, a lot of what we experience today still comes from how we were socialized. Canadians are already stereotyped as being overly apologetic. Women, historically, were conditioned to be demure, soft spoken, and agreeable. Other women were socialized or stereotyped as loud, abrasive, or angry. Different stereotypes. Different expectations. But still boxes. And when we do not fit the stereotype, people often do not quite know what to do with us. If you have ever felt like people were trying to place you in a box that did not quite fit, you know exactly what I mean.
Socialized to be
Demure and soft spoken
Agreeable and accommodating
Careful and apologetic
Small and unassuming
Or stereotyped as
Loud or abrasive
Angry or difficult
Too much or not enough
Hard to place in a box
Many of the doubts women carry were not born inside of us. They were learned through socialization and expectations we were never meant to carry alone.
When Socialization Turns Into Self-Doubt
Over time, those external expectations can slowly become internal questions. You start to wonder: am I coming across too strong? Should I say less? Should I say more? Should I soften this? And before you know it, the conversation in your head becomes louder than the one happening in the room. That voice is what many of us call the inner critic.
Your Brain Is Trying to Protect You
Here is the part most people do not talk about. Your brain's primary job is protection. It is constantly scanning for anything that might signal risk or danger. And to the brain, change often equals danger.
Moments your brain reads as risk
When the brain senses potential danger, it activates protective thinking. That is often when the inner critic gets loud. It says things like: maybe do not say that, maybe wait, maybe someone else should do it. Not because you are incapable. But because your brain is trying to keep you safe.
The challenge is that what protected us at one point in our lives can sometimes hold us back later. Awareness is where change begins.
Three Ways to Quiet the Inner Critic
When the inner critic starts getting loud, these three strategies can help you create some distance from it and move forward anyway:
Why Community Matters
Self-doubt grows in isolation. Confidence grows in community. When women come together and share experiences, something powerful happens.
We realize
We are not the only ones navigating these dynamics. Others have felt exactly what we are feeling.
We hear
Perspectives that challenge our assumptions and help us see our situation more clearly.
We support
Other women stepping into their voice and leadership, which strengthens our own.
An Invitation
If you are looking for that kind of space, I want to invite you to learn more about StratX. StratX is a leadership circle built by women, for women who want to grow, think strategically about their lives and careers, and support one another along the way. It is not about competition or comparison. It is about conversation, reflection, and real support. Women coming together regularly to share ideas, challenge each other, and build the kind of confidence that comes from knowing you do not have to navigate things alone.
Reach out at hello@awlpartners.com for more information about upcoming StratX groups. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is simply find our people.
Now available on Amazon
You're Not the Boss of Me: Slaying Your Inner Critic