Many people believe confidence works like this: once I feel confident, then I will do the thing. But confidence rarely works that way. More often, confidence shows up after we act.
Earlier this month I had the fulfilling experience of working with my colleague Annie Simpson at a Next Gen Entrepreneur conference in recognition of International Women's Day. Our topic was confidence, and the conversations we had with students reminded me of something important. A number of students said they lacked confidence, which was interesting, because they were sitting in a room full of people they did not know, at a conference they had chosen to attend, with the intention of learning and growing. That is not a lack of confidence. That is confidence in action. Sometimes we dismiss the very things that demonstrate our courage.
The Confidence Equation
When Annie and I were preparing for the workshop, we talked about a simple way to think about confidence. Courage simply means taking action despite uncertainty. And every time you take that action, confidence grows.
This pattern shows up everywhere. To attend post-secondary school, you had to believe enough to apply, have the courage to submit, and then actually show up. To apply for a job, you believe you might be able to do it, you apply, you interview, and then you show up and do the work. Even cooking a meal follows the same pattern. You believe you can do it, you gather the ingredients, and you cook. And every time you do the thing, confidence grows.
Going back to school
Applying for a job
Any new skill
The Part That Might Be Uncomfortable
Confidence is not something most people magically wake up with one day. It is something we build through repeated courageous action. Many people who say they lack confidence are actually doing something else: they are waiting to feel ready before they act. And waiting to feel ready can quietly stall your growth for years.
Many women have been socialized to be careful rather than courageous. To be thoughtful, polite, avoid mistakes, and not appear overly confident. Those messages can train us to prioritize caution over action. So when an opportunity shows up, our brain may say: maybe wait, maybe learn a little more first, maybe someone else is more qualified. But confidence is not built through caution. It is built through movement.
Confidence is not the absence of fear. Confidence is the willingness to move forward while fear is still present.
The Role of Self-Awareness
Another important part of confidence is self-awareness. You have to know yourself. You have to understand what situations trigger reactions in you, what types of people trigger reactions, and what environments bring out your best thinking. Self-awareness allows you to pause, reflect, and reframe situations rather than simply react to them. And reframing is an incredibly powerful skill.
As women, many of us will experience moments of sexism, misogyny, or underestimation. Add in the intersectional realities of race, age, ability, class, and other identities, and those experiences can become even more complex. We cannot always prevent these things from happening. But we can influence how we interpret them. Reframing does not mean ignoring reality. It means refusing to allow other people's perceptions to define your potential.
Three K.E.Y.s to Building Confidence
At the conference, Annie and I left students with three strategies for developing confidence. We called them the K.E.Y.s to confidence.
Confidence grows when you understand your triggers, strengths, and patterns. When you know yourself well, you are less likely to be thrown off course by external opinions.
Confidence is connected to how we value ourselves. Many women receive mixed messages about money, worth, and ambition. Economic empowerment means understanding your value and asserting it without apology.
No one builds confidence alone. We all need mentors, friends, and colleagues who encourage us, challenge us, and remind us of our strengths when we forget. Confidence grows faster when surrounded by people who believe in your potential.
Micro-Bravery Builds Confidence
If confidence grows through action, the question becomes: where do we start? You do not need to take massive leaps. Start with one small courageous action. Every small act of courage strengthens the confidence muscle.
Confidence Comes From Doing
The truth is simple. Confidence is not something we wait for. It is something we build. The cycle works like this:
An Invitation
If you are looking for a space where women practice courage, reflection, and growth together, I want to invite you to learn more about StratX. StratX is a leadership circle built by women, for women who want to think strategically about their lives and careers while supporting one another along the way. It is a space for reflection, accountability, and encouragement, because confidence grows faster when we build it together. Reach out at hello@awlpartners.com to learn more about StratX or upcoming groups.
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